Erlebnisse: My Ideal Man

Obviously, I know my ideal man doesn’t exist. But a girl can dream, right?


This actually came about a few days ago, when a guy asked me on Tinder who my ideal guy was. I gave him the generic answer at first – “tall, funny, trustworthy, dresses decently“. But then he told me not to give him textbook answers, and that got me thinking.


I guess the fundamentals remain: taller than me (ideally 178cm), has a complementary sense of humour to mine, trustworthy because I need someone I can put my faith into if he’s going to be my life partner, and a decent dress sense, because let’s face it, I wouldn’t even consider a guy in real life if he wasn’t at least dressed in a passable manner.


I read somewhere (on a chart or something), that the ideal height for a girl of my stature (163cm) is 178cm, so that’s how it came about. Before that, I just judged by looking. I have a thing for guys who are tall enough for him to lean his head on mine. No idea how that idea came about, but there it is.


Funny – or at least a sense of humour I can appreciate and which bonds us together. I think a sense of humour is important because I tend to get down and too serious most of the time when I’m alone. So if he’s funny, he’ll be able to cheer me up and not let me get too depressed and in my head. Humour will also (I think) make our time together more entertaining! It’ll make a simple cafe date or library trip so much happier and interesting.


Trustworthy – this is a no-brainer, right? I can’t even begin to think of spending my life with someone I can’t trust my life with. If we get married and all that, the stakes are even higher. I’m also someone who doesn’t trust people easily, so having me trust him is a huge responsibility that he shouldn’t take lightly.


Decent sense of style! This is very, very subjective, I admit. He doesn’t have to have a certain style, though I am very impartial to the #dapperlife! I think a guy who looks good in a suit is to die for. Also, I have a thing for guys in the NSAF/ Singapore Air Force uniform who look good in it. I once told my girlfriends, I like when a guy looks good in just a simple white v-neck t-shirt, blue jeans and Dr. Martens. Simple and comfy stuff. I feel it kind of shows off how well-built he is without actually showing it off explicitly, or like in-your-face. Of course, not forgetting accessories – a watch, maybe. I don’t really like when guys wear a lot of necklaces or bracelets. It just seems like so much effort and it kind of gets in the way of doing stuff, don’t you think? I myself have started wearing rings less, because it just became too much of a hassle to keep taking them off whenever I have to go to the loo. I don’t know why I have such specific archetypes in my mind for my ideal guy, or how they got there, but… well, they’re there: the dapper, the soldier and the… boyfriend? 😂


He can’t be a smoker. I’ve seen for myself at a very young age what smoking can do to people, and it’s a deal breaker for me. If he smokes but it willing to stop for me, I’d appreciate that immensely. I think it’s a poor life choice, and not one I deem suitable for someone who’s going to stick around. The same goes for any other substance abuse. I get that some guys drink a lot, but if he’s going to be irresponsible about it, then I can’t trust him, can I?


A nice smile. I know that after a while of knowing a person, their happiness matters more than their looks, but if a guy has an attractive smile, it’s a plus point in my book. Dimples or not. (Speaking of which; I never really understood the attractiveness of dimples… My grandma used to notice it of people’s smiles all the time and I just never saw them as much. It got worse when my biology teacher told us it was actually caused by a retarded muscle. Thanks, Ms Praveena. You’re the best.)


My ideal guy has to be some sort of sensitive. I clam up really easily – and all the time – about things that happen or when I’m feeling down. It takes a really tactful person in general to get me to open up or tell them something. It’d be really helpful, too, if he could tell when I just didn’t want to talk or I just want to have a quiet time. (I don’t understand why some people are just so uncomfortable with silence?! It just annoys me when people can’t just be quiet instead of filling the silence all the time.) I also have a lot really weird things that tick me off, so if he’s sensitive enough to tell when I get irritated, that’s awesome. If not, then having enough sensitivity to hear me out would be great, too.


Gentlemanly. Obviously, I don’t need a guy to carry my purse for me or pull out chairs, but a bit of chivalry, if willingly executed, always goes a long way to making me feel loved and protected. It’s not like I can’t open doors myself, and he should know that. But, as with many things, it’s the thought that counts. It’s not just opening a door. It’s welcoming you into whichever room you’re entering, and not letting her leave alone. It’s showing her you’ve got her back. It’s showing others, this is my partner, I’m proud to be with her. I’ve lived 19 years (as of now), opening doors for myself, pulling out chairs for myself, and carrying all my own bags. I can continue on by myself. It’s the thought that counts.


Intelligent, curious and willing to learn. These go together, because I’ve encountered far too many people who are so, so, so smart and yet remain so closed-minded and refuse to see new points of view, or refuse to learn new things. It’s okay if he isn’t the brightest bulb in the room – I’m sure I’m not, either. But if we’re both eager to learn and accepting of new information, don’t you think we’d help each other be better people? And isn’t that what couples do? They help each other grow, and don’t stop each other from being the best version of themselves that they can be.


Independent. I can’t deal with clingy people. I have my life, I have friends I love to spend time with, and things I love to do… alone. If he seems to want to spend all his time with me, then what did he do before he met me? Of course, meeting a new person can be intoxicating, but applying yourself completely to a new relationship is bound to lead to burnout. If a guy has his own hobbies and activities, it also makes for more interesting conversations when we do meet. Also, independence implies a mind of his own, which implies ideas, which implies surprises… 😉 (Don’t take it the wrong way. I mean surprise birthday presents/ celebrations, monthsary celebrations, thoughtful letters, etc. Don’t go all Fifty Shades on me.)


Loyal. With independence comes free time and alone time, and I see it as time apart that we use for our own benefit. So if he wants to go out and club or whatever, I’m fine. What I’m not fine with, however, is him flirting with other girls or anything of that sort. That’s disrespecting my role and our relationship. It shows a lack of commitment and respect for the time and effort that I, if not he, put into the relationship.


Patient and understanding. I know I can be a frustrating person sometimes. (Sometimes? Maybe a bit more than sometimes.) I have my own complicated, convoluted mind, and even I don’t really understand what I’m doing sometimes. I get lost within my mind, and when someone asks me what I’m doing or why, I can’t explain. I do know, however, when I have no rhyme or reason. So I’m not unreasonable, just confused and forgetful at times.


Feminist. I cannot be with a guy who just does not respect me or any other girl. It’s just not right and is another deal breaker.


That’s all I can think of at this moment, but it should be comprehensive enough.


Oh, yeah. After I sent my list of attributes to that guy on tinder, his reaction was simply, “Wow, that’s a real mouthful.” Oh well.




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