Erlebnisse: “Hi Joelle, do you have any tips for getting over heart break?”

Hello! Unfortunately, I do. I’ll try to help you with what I’ve learnt through personal experience!


First things first (please don’t start with the Iggy references), it depends on who, or what kind of person you are! For me, fashion was my refuge. I instinctively started dressing up, because what I wear has a very strong effect on my mood and how my day goes. I wore clothes that made me feel good, clothes that I loved, clothes that I felt confident in. I didn’t give a f— about what others thought. It was all for me! And it worked. I felt better immediately – even when I saw the guy who broke my heart the very next day. I can’t say that I wasn’t affected, but it helped immensely with how I got over it.


But enough about me. All you need to do, is start living for yourself again. It’s too easy to obsess about the what-ifs and the problems. Try and stay away from those toxic thoughts. There’s no point replaying the whole painful sequence and trying to poke holes, looking for the signs and where it all went wrong. It will only prolong your pain and stop you from moving on.


If you blog or write in a diary, I suggest you write it all out. There’s no need to publish the post(s), just save it as a draft or as a word document, or as a private post. The key is to just let it all out.


If you’re sporty, get outdoors and exercise! Exercise has been proven to be a mood-lifter, due to the fact that it releases dopamine, otherwise known as the ‘feel-good’ chemical. Plus, you’d be getting fitter, which is never a bad thing. (:


Don’t worry about grieving. Cry it out, scream, talk to a friend. Suppressing your emotions isn’t good either, and you will just cause stress on yourself and others if you try to brush it off as if nothing happened. Heartbreak is not to be taken lightly – it does share its namesake with characters like lost friendships and mortality. Heartbreak is one of the most painful tragedies to befall one – or so I’ve read. Feel it thoroughly, then move on. Mulling will not help anyone, least of all you.


I hope that what I’ve said here helps. I can’t say I wish you never have a heartbreak again, because that would be naïve and false. You will experience heartbreak again – in possibly a million other forms. What’s important is that you learn from it. Heartbreak, as with most forms of pain in life, is a lesson. How much, and what you learn, is dependent on how you face it. I hope you approach this new experience in life, although painful, with patience and understanding. It will teach you countless things about yourself, the people around you, and the world around you.


I also hope that when you look back on this period of your life, you will remember it with fondness for the things you’ve learnt. There’s no need to keep the bitterness about it with you. Recall the happiness you felt, and forget the carelessness with which he treated your heart. Devote yourself to finding one who will not make the same mistakes. Take your time, and make yourself the best version of yourself there could be.


Through observing the adventures of others, I can safely say that the best way to live is for yourself. Of course, we can’t be alone through life, but it’s dangerous when your source of happiness is someone as humanly flawed as yourself.


“Pain is the best teacher,” Holly Black once said, and it’s true. I’ve learnt so many things, and I hope you do too.



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