Monday passed in a bit of a blur. There was a huge miscommunication with the street performer my group was supposed to film and in the end we had to go home after almost getting to the location because the weather wasn’t good and he didn’t plan to appear. Did some studying at home (advert!!!!!) and watched Parks and Rec… That’s about it for Monday.
Tuesday – I’m sick. ): Runny nose and sore throat is killing me and I feel like total shit. Also I wore pyjamas to school, which makes me feel simultaneously better and worse. Check it out here.
Wednesday: feeling a little bit better, but the blocked nose and itchy throat is still there. (This is beginning to sound like an illness journal.) I’m so sick of waking up early and waiting around for other people when I could be resting and not wanting to die. Ended the day by taking the bus with Valencia and Deanny and all of us falling asleep. Sigh.
Starting to like Wednesdays even though I fucking hate news writing, because of Madihah and Deanny who are always silly and fun to be around and they just make it better. (:
Thursday; TVprod was soooo fun,
sex jokes everywhere and a crew came to film us for something. Dreading tomorrow.
Friday was basically the worst ever. Spent the whole music lesson talking with my teacher and crying and then getting on a packed bus filled with smelly kids and then walking home and breaking down the moment I enter my room. Cried for another hour (I think) then being fucking passive-aggressive with my mum when she asks what’s wrong because she asks “Why did you cry? School? (a little bit) Can’t keep up? (no)” At this point I’m thinking, the answer was ‘a little bit’ but it seems that’s all you care about, you’re not even trying to find out what the majority of the answer is. Then she asks “music? lesson just now? (yes) why? (I told you already, you know already)” I don’t know if she really doesn’t know or she’s just ignoring the fucking obvious. If she doesn’t know then I don’t know what to do. Fucking hell today is just total shit and I’m starting to cry just typing this out.
Saturday. The days weigh heavy on my chest, I keep forgetting to breathe. The tears keep coming. Fuck. I know I’m not the only one feeling this way and it’s weird like I feel the worst I’ve ever felt my entire life but at the same time there are other people having the time of their lives and other people who seemingly have it worse than me and I don’t know I’m so sick of feeling like I’m never good enough even when it’s the thing that I thought I was good at I just suck at life and I’m not even kidding this hurts so bad.
Watched a few eps of Parks and Rec, which made me feel a bit better, but then I saw my brother and idk I lost it.
Dreading tomorrow because so many innocent questions with empty answers, empty promises and I don’t know if I can live through it.
Saturday-Sunday (2AM to almost 6AM) was spent watching Twilight. I’ve begun on a Twilight Saga marathon mainly because I never watched any of them apart from the first one and secondly because it takes my mind off things. Besides, hot vampires? 10/10.
Sunday morning started off pretty well. Or afternoon. I woke at 1PM but didn’t get out of bed till a half-hour later. Then, lunch for breakfast was a tuna sandwich and I’m so full I can’t bring myself to eat cereal. Evening was spent having a family dinner for my grandma’s birthday!
Got home and continued part 2/5 of my movie marathon and finished at 1AM. It was weird, it felt like way later than that.
I’m gonna meet Gentle Bones today!!!!!